how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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