But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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