Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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