You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
