The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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