Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
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