Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
