I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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