i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
