girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
