My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I believe in your delicious
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
