i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
