his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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