apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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