Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
