I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
