I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
