I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
