Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
