woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Randomize
