I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
