Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
