just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
