hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
