remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
