I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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