You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
hell yes lets make some ravioli
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
