Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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