I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
