Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
