She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
