I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
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