a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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