True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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