I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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