She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
