dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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