Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
