if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
