you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Holy sore nipples Batman
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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