It's like a parade of train wrecks.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
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