everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
