2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize