hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Randomize
