you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
