Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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