can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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