Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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