I saw his package. It spoke to me.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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