just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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