So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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