Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
