Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
