girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
