I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
