Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
