Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
