Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
