Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
you guys were way drunker than both of me
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
