I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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