i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
