Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
