i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
