Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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