look no pants
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
being pregnant is like rehab
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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