I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
