She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
