I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
he quoted the bible to break up with me
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize