you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
