So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
