Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
