Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I wish my penis had an off switch
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
