I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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