So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Randomize
