i jhust puked up my retainher.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
