The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
