when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Randomize
