Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
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